If this picture is you heading into your next conversation… you’re doing it wrong.
If you have read our recent post How to Make People Like You, then you are already on your way to becoming a conversational pro and making all kinds of new friends.
But what happens if you’re having a conversation that you need to get something out of? What if you are trying to persuade someone of something, or you need a favor? In that case just getting someone to like you might not be enough.
Those tips will still be handy here, but we need to take it a little bit further.
If you need to convince someone of something or need to get them on your side, there are a few more things that you can do in conversation that might help you out even more.
1. Speak Their Language
I don’t mean the literal language their speaking, although that is kind of a necessity, I mean speak the way they do.
Are they really direct? Are they a bit slower and take a while to reach the point? Are they very logical in the things they are saying or more emotion driven?
You can identify these things pretty quick into the conversation, and they will respond better if you are speaking their language. Maybe you need to directly ask them for the favor, explain why it makes sense and don’t add a lot of fluff. Maybe you need to talk about family for a while and hint at what you need before getting a bit more direct.
Respond to them in the same way that they speak to you to make this connection.
2. Acknowledge Their feelings and Views
Let them know that you know where they are coming from. Tell them you understand why they feel the way they do. Make it clear that you can understand their side and that you can put yourself in their shoes.
Not only will this create a common ground between you that you can both agree on, but it gives you additional information. By acknowledging their view point you can get insight into what is driving them and how best to work with that.
For example, if discussing politics you understand their concerns, you can reinforce that their views are valid and common to yours and have a more peaceful discussion to get results.
3. What Are They Getting Out Of This?
What’s in it for them? Why should they help you? You can beg and plead and explain why they should help you, but they need to know what they’re getting out of it. By doing this favor for you will you be able to pay them back even more? Will this benefit them or make their life easier? Make it clear why this favor to you is still a good thing to them and not a burden.
4. Give them credit
Acknowledge that they are doing something great for you. People love to be recognized if they’re doing something extra that they don’t have to do so thank them for it. Make them feel like the hero. This will actually make them like you more as well because people do favors for those they like, if they did a favor for you, then they must like you.
5. Find a Compromise
Propose something that will benefit both of you, meet them halfway. Most people will work with you if you work with them. By making sure that there is a positive result for them, then they will be more likely to make sure there is a positive result for you.
These tips might not work in every situation but if you are debating someone, asking for a favor, trying to convince them of something, these are some tools that might be enough to help you get better results.
The key is to be genuine and sincere and understand where they are coming from. People want to be respected and heard and if you do that for them, they will likely do that for you.
Have you tried these tips? How did they work for you?